The World Health Organisation estimates that 300 million people globally are suffering from depression, one death by suicide occurs every 40 seconds and suicide is a major cause of death in the 15-29 age group globally. In the UK, more men under the age of 50 die by their own hand than by any other cause, including cancer and road accidents. These are truly shocking statistics, especially when combined with other statistics about loneliness etc, covered here on my Loneliness page.
But none of this is new.
My career was in mental health support, initially developing and providing support programmes and emotional support, in the form of one-to-one coaching, for adult learners with mental health issues studying in colleges and universities. For the last few years of my career I was an Adviser to all kinds of adult learning institutions and one of a national team advising Government on how to better support adults struggling with mental health issues. The statistics surrounding suicide, depression etc are not new to me but they are no less shocking for that. Over the course of my career I worked, one to one, with hundreds of people who were actively suicidal - and not one died. Why? Because of the power of caring conversation. More about that in a bit.
What is also deeply concerning is that, in the UK, the government's funding into suicide prevention, and support for mental health issues generally, continues to lag well behind other areas of health. Funding for each cancer patient is 22 times higher than for those with mental health problems. Here, as elsewhere in the world, there are nowhere near enough resources to address the problem. The truth is, if we leave it all to the mental health professionals, things will not improve anytime soon because many people don't ever get to see a mental health professional.
The evidence also is that, with more caring earlier on very many people would never develop the chronic depression and the despair that leads to self-harm in its many forms, including alcohol and drug abuse, eating disorders, and suicide. Which is why in some countries, where resources are woefully more scarce than here in the UK, they are developing innovative responses to dealing with the issues of suicide and mental health support by using the resources they do have plenty of - ordinary people, like you and me! And in some countries it is particularly the older people who are making a difference in their communities. It seems to me that we could learn a thing or two from such initiatives! I will come back to a couple of brilliant examples a bit later in this post.
So is the problem that, as a society, we don't care about mental health? No, absolutely not - but we don't talk about it! And that's a fundamental problem! The simple truth is our perception of and attitude towards mental health is what prevents us from talking more openly about it and dealing with it better. Do we talk about problems with our physical health? YES! Quite easily! We routinely ask each other how we are, sometimes enquire if we're eating properly and sleeping ok. When young people leave home for the first time, we're more likely to ask about how they're eating than how they're feeling. We readily share about our colds and flu, bad backs, deteriorating eyesight, aches and pains...... but we don't share about our mental aches and pains - our heart-aches, loneliness, anxiety, stress, depression etc. And the very sad fact is that a wealth of evidence suggests that if we did it would make all the difference! One major common misconception that is deeply damaging to good mental health, for all of us, is the belief that we experience mental health problems because we are weak or inadequate in some way, not strong enough to cope. This is absolutely not the case! The opposite is nearer the truth!
A BBC Horizon programme, 'Stopping Male Suicide' posed some questions about the high rates particularly of male suicide in the UK and tried to find understanding in order to find solutions. The programme may still be available here on BBC iplayer As the programme speaks to men who have experienced, struggled with and in some cases given in to suicidal thoughts and survived, and also to the families of those who sadly did not survive, what emerges is the fact that this need to 'be strong', 'keep our chins up', stick out that 'stiff upper lip', to 'pull ourselves together' or 'put a brave face on it', especially if we are male, works against us. What becomes clear, through the experiences of those who have been there, is the need for all of us to become more aware, have better understanding of and a greater willingness to talk about mental health, in the same way that we talk about physical health. Society only changes because individuals change - and we all have a part to play in that.
Steve Mallen, who features in the programme, a father whose 18 yr old son took his own life said 'Sometimes they call depression the curse of the strong. In other words the stronger, more resilient and more capable you are, the better able you are to conceal the difficulties you might be experiencing'. In reality it takes a great deal of strength, effort and energy to struggle day-in-day-out with mental anguish and pain without talking about it, without getting the comfort, care and support that we need - and might expect if we were physically ill. We don't expect anyone to put up with or deal alone with the physical pain of cancer, or a broken leg! But we do expect people to put up with mental pain.
So, if we all, as individuals, took a different, more open approach to mental health, what difference would it make? Well, the evidence is overwhelming that simply being able to talk and be heard, to have caring conversations in which we're not judged, given advice or expected to 'get over it' is the single most helpful intervention. And we can all listen. Most of us can empathise too - because the fact is that almost everyone (I would say everyone!) has struggled with their mental health to some degree at some time in their lives! There's not one person on the planet who has not felt emotional pain at some point, just as everyone has experienced physical pain. My pain may not be the same as yours, but I know what pain feels like, and so I can empathise. Empathy, understanding and sharing can make such a difference because one very common factor shared by those who are experiencing mental health difficulties is that they think no-one else is! This belief that it's only us may seem irrational when we are feeling well, we know others struggle too, but it can become real, dominant and deeply damaging if we become unwell. It's particularly damaging because it isolates us, causes us to feel guilty or ashamed that we are the only one struggling and that makes it harder for us to talk about it.
In many situations where simply listening would help, people so often back off because, although they know they can listen, they fear they wouldn't know what to say, wouldn't know how to help.
Well, what would you want someone to say to you?
'I'm listening' 'I understand' and 'I'm here for you' are often enough............
We don't have to give advice, provide solutions or 'fix it' - although offering useful information or signposting to other sources of help and support may be welcomed by the person sharing with us. But really listening, without judgement, is by far the most important thing any of us can do. And that alone can be a life-line, literally, for someone in mental/ emotional distress. It's like throwing a life-line to someone who's drowning....... believe me, I know. I have been at both ends of that line.
One example of the difference that being heard makes is the story of Sophie Andrews, CEO of The Silver Line, who describes how talking to The Samaritans helped her become a survivor of abuse rather than a victim - and a life that could so easily have been lost has instead been spent making a difference to the lives of others. Fantastic! You can listen to her talk here, The Best Way To Help Is To Listen! And you can read more about The Samaritans here, How Can We Help You?
One of the inspiring initiatives I referred to earlier is described in another talk, by a psychologist in Zimbabwe, called Why I Train Grandmothers To Treat Depression. Being one of literally a handful of psychologists in a country where millions are suffering with mental health difficulties, he realised that one thing they have in abundance, and in every community, is Grandmothers! And, with a little basic training, those Grandmothers are making a powerful difference. I think it's absolutely brilliant and encourage you to watch it by clicking on the title link.
And finally, we're all very used to the idea of First Aid. We all know the basics, some of us have even had some basic training, maybe in CPR etc. Most work environments and public places have nominated First Aiders and a lot of people would step in and try to help someone in physical distress if need arose. But in the BBC Horizon programme mentioned earlier, one of the things that stood out is that not many of us are willing to do the same when it comes to helping someone in mental distress. This is evidenced in the programme by a guy who walked up and down in obvious distress for 40 minutes before he jumped off a bridge, busy with passers-by, in part because no-one asked him if he was ok! His belief that he did not matter was confirmed and he jumped. Contrast that with the heart-warming story of Jonny Benjamin, who was talked down from Waterloo Bridge by a complete stranger - and then set about finding the guy who stopped, and in so doing, saved his life. Read about that here.
In another really good talk, Guy Winch, another psychologist, outlines Why We All Need to Practice Emotional First Aid. You can listen to his talk by clicking on the title link.
The basic training of those Grandmothers in Zimbabwe is creating mental health First Aiders in their communities and has been highly effective - so what can we learn from it?
Well, for starters, let's talk about mental health! Let's all learn some basic mental health First Aid or apply what we already know to help others. Let's all be ready to use CC, Caring Conversation, which could be just as effective as CPR in maybe saving a life!! Let's all be willing to do something, and in the process we will make society a better place for us all to be.
Let us be the generation that talks so much about mental health that the next generation never feels the stigma!
Quotes
'Not all storms come to disrupt your life - some come to clear your path'
'Don't be ashamed of your story. It will inspire others.'
'People with depression didn't will themselves into it, and they can't simply will themselves out of it. We don't choose to be depressed, we choose to fight the depression every day - that's why we' re still here. Our choice isn't always outwardly obvious.'
'Sometimes the smallest step in the right direction ends up being the biggest step of your life.'
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